The Time I Agreed to Have Elvis Costello’s Baby

My friend Dan and I went to see Elvis Costello at the Tower Theater in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, last week. The show was good. Towards the beginning, Elvis, posing as his alter-alter-ego Napoleon Dynamite, invited people onto the stage to spin a giant wheel with a bunch of song titles printed on it. Towards the middle, he did an acoustic set that a heckler ruined by shouting, “Come on! Play something we know!” The show ended with an all-out rocking set that culminated with “Pump It Up” and “(What’s So Funny About) Peace Love and Understanding?”

The stage as I remember it.

After the show, Dan and I found our way to the back of the theater and stood around with about thirty or forty other EC geeks waiting for our hero to emerge. It was actually a lot like groundhog day, and when Elvis eventually came out of his hole, we all swarmed around him like a pack of puppies trying to hump some poor, unsuspecting stranger’s leg. But EC was cool about it—he signed autographs and stopped to take pictures with people, even as rain started to fall.

Dan got some photos of the proceedings. Actually, there’s a whole series of pictures of me chasing EC’s elbow out of the frame. Then there’s one of me with EC and a woman who turned out to be the wife of a guy I went to high school with. At one point, the woman and I had a conversation that went like this:

Woman: Would you have Elvis Costello’s baby?

Me: Yes. I’d grow a uterus just for the occasion.

By this point, however, Elvis had already gotten into his limousine and left the scene, so we never got to try my idea.

The time I agreed to have Elvis Costello's baby.

6 thoughts on “The Time I Agreed to Have Elvis Costello’s Baby

  1. What? Davey Faragher doesn’t rate a name on your excellent diagram of the show?

    Also, interesting that you appear to have drawn EC playing Bo Diddley’s guitar.

    • Right on both counts! I mean, yes, Davey Faragher rates a name, and that does look suspiciously like Bo Diddley’s guitar.

  2. Ummmm…I’m a little uncomfy with, like, “Liking” this post and all the imagery that goes with all the above, sooo…I’ll just “…toss[ed] some tattered compliment your way…,” and “…You’ve had your fun, you don’t get well no more….”
    [From Elvis Costello – I Want You Lyrics | MetroLyrics; seems très apropos, n’est-ce pas?]

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